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Sunday, April 22, 2012

Lessons to learn? Continuing.

What's been happening to help me and mine get better?

This is where I stopped in my search for who, why and where I am in life. I remember all the TRAUMA I have suffered in my past, some of it horrifying and sickening, some my fault, some  imposed on me by others. It brought my attention back to a realization of HOW I moved forward in my personal growth and left those things behind me in my 20's. I decided to read a book called "The Road Less Traveled" by M. Scott Peck, M.D. It woke me up to what the next generation needed and not mine. My career began and vaulted me into a balanced life, giving of myself to work and especially at home. My focus and commitment to my family 1st and my career 2nd, not the least to say was hard but I desired and believed I could guide, teach, counsel and nurture my son and daughter. Everything in my past was there screaming at me every step of the way due to my childhood Schizophrenia my current classification is Schizoaffective disorder and Gender-id Disorder (Transgender). My Son is in Army Intelligence, currently serving in Afghanistan, battalion commander. My Daughter earned her PHD in Sociology through Scholarships and is currently a Professor in Sociology at Missouri University. I was once asked by my son-in-law how did I balance all of it and have such wonderful kids. My response was "I kept the car in the middle of the road.".

Now at age 59 I'm reexamining myself once again through reading the "The Road Less Traveled" by M. Scott Peck, M.D., you see I have been with second family for 13 years now and I inherited teenage children who had character disorders. The constant and lengthy abandonment events by their dad had abandonment issues and the fear of working their self-image higher by letting me help, but the damage was already done and I was ignored, even rejected but I love them all as if they were my own and will never leave them. My love is always here, but it comes at a cost. Each must examine their lives and ask the question can I change for my children.

 I found this Poem written by Kahlil Gibran ~~ Child Raising ~~

Love Is Separateness

Your children are not your children,

They are the sons and daughters of Life' longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you they belong not to you.

You may give your love but not your thoughts,

For they have their own thoughts.
You may hose house their but not their souls,For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bow from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.*

We Love you Kayden Faith!
We Love you Harley Ann!

Soon you will be home babies, soon.