In this blog I hope to shed some light on being Schizophrenic and Transsexual at the same time. These are issues I have had to deal with for most of my life. As I've said before I decided about six years ago to make my life and thoughts an open book, not only for Therapeutic value for me but perhaps for others too. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as it gives me pleasure to write. I'd love to see some comments from those of you who take the time to read my Life's experience and thoughts.
Peace and Love to all mankind. 'Live to Love, Love to Live'.
My first real memory of consciousness that I was different from other boys was when I was nine years old. This is when I had my first sexual act with another boy as I had developed a real interest in dressing, as often as I could, as a girl. It would not be until I was thirteen years old that I started showing the classic signs of Schizophrenia and another three years that I realized I truly wanted to be a girl in every way. Schizophrenia and Transsexualism became something to deny, those were the years between 1962 - 1969. Social culture was not anywhere it is today so I began living a dual life, one to be a boy in duties and actions and the other, wanting to be a girl hidden deeper inside. If you can imagine living in a dream interacting with another dream, that is where my thoughts were going. Of course there were interruptions in my purposeful life, like age fourteen when I had to get a part-time job to help with finances because my parents had divorced when I was twelve years old. My first job, my mother found it for me, was clearing land of unneeded trees and shrubs for a nine hole expansion on a local golf course. For weeks I came home with blistered and bloody hands. This wasn't supposed to be me!!
You, hopefully will understand by age 14 and 15 I was really getting confused.
In my next blog I will get more detailed form age 15 to now and how I see myself and have matured with that knowledge now firmly planted, believed and accepted.
LOVE TO LIVE, LIVE TO LOVE!