20's - 40's life

I have to briefly state that up to this point in my life, I had not looked at the broader picture of society. I learned a great many lessons of life in my 20's that I began to focus on how I wanted my life to stand for in society and my lineage. Personal responsibility became my greatest ally as I grew in local society. My real need was to return my early lessons to those in my church youth group. I became the Youth Minister and was busy at all levels in my church. By 1973 I was traveling on ministries, preaching, mentoring and loving those I met. My inner girl was tucked away safely and I accepted that side of myself, but it dare not be I was now a man with influence on a younger generation. I met my 1st wife in 1974 at work on the manufacturing line and six months later we were married. Both of us put our heart and souls to the ministry of others. As the years passed by I continued to get promotions off the manufacturing floor into accounting. I took accounting I, II and Cost accounting in Junior college, two years later I was the Accounts Payable Manager at a new subsidiary. I spent a year traveling form Independence to Chicago working on the details of the company acquisition until I was bore and restless, accounting just wasn't me. I felt like I was strapped to an office and I wanted to be out among people. In 1976 my son Christopher was born. I was a father and I pushed forward for him to increase my income level so my wife didn't have to work outside of our home, which I did. In 1977 I was approached to sell Life Insurance in Springfield, Mo, it turned out to be Bank Whole Life Insurance with a face value of $250. My high school sweetheart, Lois, mad a couple of trips to visit me and I can tell you I had real feelings for her still. She and I were both married, but she had always been the closest to me and our relationship was intense. As I struggled to win in that market I discovered it was just not right to offer that type of insurance to a primarily 50's and up patron of the bank. I quit after discovering one week my wife had sold my High School Graduation ring and fed my two children, my baby girl was born in 1979, popcorn for lunch and dinner. My cross dressing started up again and I frequently wore panties under my clothes. I spent a few months building houses and general household construction projects. As the stress levels increased over finances, the further I cross dressed. It was time for a new career path, as I was searching for work I returned to Independence and was approached by my previous manufacturing company. They wanted me to come back to work for them in the Data Processing Department. This was to set the course for the remainder of my life until I was forty one.

In the spring of 1979 being a new programmer on staff I got the easiest assignments to learn on before I could take on more complex tasks. I made a good friend there and he was a soccer playing fool, one spring afternoon we were kicking the soccer ball around in the park. At least 20+ kids came around and we kicked the ball around with them for an hour. We told them we would be back the next weekend and when we arrived about 25 kids were waiting, so we split them up into two team and started teaching soccer skills. We started a soccer recreational club by May and enrolled over 200 kids to play. I was voted President and I quickly got adults to take places in the organization. My appointment would last two seasons and we would top 250 kids until I took a new job in Oklahoma City, OK. My cross dressing was minimal as I started this job. The job would turn out to be a short job, I was paired up with one other programmer to make a mirror system on a Honeywell computer by translating and correcting any program errors as we converted them from one language to another, This programmer's name was Francis Randolph. It was the first time I actually loved another guy, he was cute, accepting, fun. Our job would only last six months for us when we were offered jobs with a firm who managed university and city/county government software. Our job was helping do program modifications to the Oklahoma City's software, but this ended up being a short contract. Randy took an assignment in Detroit, MI while I took a position in Charleston, SC after I interviewed in Detroit. I had affiliated myself with the Edmond, OK soccer club, over 1,000 youth participating. As their referee coordinator. During that two years I instituted student referees that I monitored and trained them allowing us to hold 10 matches at one time, this eliminated the need for Sunday games and let us establish and adult league for Sunday's. My life was totally soccer and the following year I was elected President of the Club. I served for just over one season when I was transferred to Charleston, SC.

When I arrived in Charleston I was greeted with a magnificent night out with the senior staff and enjoyed the wonderful night life of downtown. The next day I thought I was going to be interviewed, instead I saw a girl in the conference room with the programming manager pouring over some reports. When I was watching them, the programming manager asked me if I knew anything about Data Base Administration, which just so happened was one of the tasks I took on during my first job in Oklahoma City. I quickly showed them the changes to make and helped them generate all the data bases needed. Wham I was hired, not as a Programmer Analyst but Data Base Administrator with a large salary and position within the organization. I had been wearing lingerie under my clothes for some time since meeting Randy, just something about meeting him that strengthened my transgender feelings. In Charleston the men dressed in three piece suits as I did because of the County and local top city influential people invited our staff to many evenings at the local party sites. I dressed in southern dress as though I belonged with the locals with lingerie underneath and a more feminine colored shirts.

In 1986, I was told I was to interview a new Tech Support Specialist for a job I had opened. When I got his resume' to my shock and happiness it was Francis Randolph, I didn't have to interview him instead I went into my supervisor's office and told him to hire him I was familiar with his work. A dream, a fantasy of mine was coming to work for me, wow. When he arrived he was just the same as the last time I saw him, gorgeous long blonde hair, blue eyes and plump kissable lips. We renewed our friendship spending many evenings taking in the night life, But it was his invites to his house to relax that I enjoyed most. Alone with him I know my eyes betrayed me when I looked at him. I wanted him to kiss me and more with every brush or touch. It wasn't what I should have been thinking, being married. We stayed friends until 1991 when he took a job in silicon valley with a private firm doing development work. I wasn't to here from him until one night he called me and told me he was going to disappear for awhile. I asked him why and all he could tell me that he had hacked into something he shouldn't have. I was to keep in touch with his former wife. Barely 3 weeks later she called me and told me he had been run off the road on his motorcycle over a cliff on one of California's coastal highways and was killed. A true love and friend was gone out of my life, I was devastated.

The remainder of 1991 though 1993 I rose to the Technical directors Position, a tense time for me. The entire Tech staff was fired by management while I was in New York at IBM technical school learning system security. After a brief stay to hire a couple of tech staff, I was off to school for the next 2 1/2 months in San Francisco, Chicago and back to New York City. As I served in those two years as Tech. Mgr., I was on the inside of the organizations operations with the client. The things I began to see behind the scenes were corrupt and in some cases downright unethical I began to be disillusioned with cooperate life.

In 1993 I got an urgent call from Lois asking me to meet her for a weekend in Savannah GA. She said she needed to talk to me and I did not hesitate leaving that weekend to meet her. She was living in Clearwater FL. And we, the entire family, had visited her a couple of times at her house. When I arrived she looked very sick and I immediately grabbed her in my arms and held her as she sobbed. We sat on the bed and talked about past things until we came around to the real reason she wanted to see me. She told me that she was dying of liver cancer and that she only had a couple of months to live. We cried for some time until we got some composure back, when she asked me what I was wearing underneath my clothes. Since she already knew about my feminine side I told her panties, nothing else. She told me to sit on the bed while she went to the closet and brought out some of her clothes since were about the same size. She sat me down after helping me dress and brushed my semi long hair and applied some makeup. We went out to dinner and had a good time for a few hours until she felt sick from the radiation treatments she had been receiving. We lay there in each others arms all night, drifting in and out of sleep as we exchanged kisses. Late the next afternoon we parted company and went back to our families. Two months later ger older sister Ruth called me to tell me she had passed. I couldn't even go to her funeral. My two truest friends were taken from my life and I felt more alone than I had my entire life.

The year 1994, I came face to face with corruption when I was offered an 18 month fast path training to be a manager of my own site. I asked to think about it and a week later I resigned in the face of this new opportunity. I met a man who had a concept that I felt I could help him develop into a good company. The concept was simple, tap into the greed of some corporations with a program to stack customers for $ incomes based on family shopping shared in a computer generated random hierarchy. I approached four SC State Senators who saw the potential of relieving families witn additional cash to spend in grocery stores and the potential to bring other retailers into the mix at a later date. They funded the company and we made One of the them President and my partner and I took Vice President positions. For a month I designed the computerized portion as I was Vice President of Operations while my partner was Vice President of Marketing. When the system design was through I used a connection I had in New York to contract the actual programming. I sent my partner out to California to one the largest grocery chains for a presentation, I should have known better than to send him alone since I had had to resue the first presentation to a large chain in SC and GA. When he came back he had failed to secure a second meeting after they wanted to consult with their Legal department, a classic mistake, they did not reset an appointment after numerous phone calls. Then the worst thing that I could find collapsed the company, he had dipped into the investment money to pay his ex-wife's rent. The remaining money was not enough to make the final payment to my hired programmer. With the initial presentation of the software ready I went back to the senators wit a small request for another small investment, they refused. My partner and I parted ways bitterly, I walked away with all the software and documentation safely under my control as it does today. In

Completely burnt out I moved back to Independence, KS determined to find my way back into corporate America.

The next years from 1996 through 2003 were to be years that would bring me to a breaking point. I was 42 years old when I arrived in the fall of that year.