Schizophrenic and Transsexual in the same lifetime.

In this blog I hope to shed some light on being Schizophrenic and Transsexual at the same time. These are issues I have had to deal with for most of my life. As I've said before I decided about six years ago to make my life and thoughts an open book, not only for Therapeutic value for me but perhaps for others too. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as it gives me pleasure to write. I'd love to see some comments from those of you who take the time to read my Life's experience and thoughts.

Peace and Love to all mankind. 'Live to Love, Love to Live'.

Schizophrenia

Transsexual MTF

My first real memory of consciousness that I was different from other boys was when I was nine years old. This is when I had my first sexual act with another boy as I had developed a real interest in dressing, as often as I could, as a girl. It would not be until I was thirteen years old that I started showing the classic signs of Schizophrenia and another three years that I realized I truly wanted to be a girl in every way. Schizophrenia and Transsexualism became something to deny, those were the years between 1962 - 1969. Social culture was not anywhere it is today so I began living a dual life, one to be a boy in duties and actions and the other, wanting to be a girl hidden deeper inside. If you can imagine living in a dream interacting with another dream, that is where my thoughts were going. Of course there were interruptions in my purposeful life, like age fourteen when I had to get a part-time job to help with finances because my parents had divorced when I was twelve years old. My first job, my mother found it for me, was clearing land of unneeded trees and shrubs for a nine hole expansion on a local golf course. For weeks I came home with blistered and bloody hands. This wasn't supposed to be me!!

You, hopefully will understand by age 14 and 15 I was really getting confused.

In my next blog I will get more detailed form age 15 to now and how I see myself and have matured with that knowledge now firmly planted, believed and accepted.

Renae Michele

LOVE TO LIVE, LIVE TO LOVE!
Peace.

Unconditional Love

Has this been a problem for anyone else other than me as it relates to 'all'?

Unconditional–adjective
Without conditions or limitations; absolute: demanded unconditional surrender.

Love–noun
A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person
such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a
sense of underlying oneness.


THE LAW OF LOVE
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For the whole law is fulfilled in one word, "You shall love your
neighbor as yourself." (Galatians 5:14 RSV)
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And who is your neighbor? Everyone is your neighbor. This is shown in the Parable Of The Good Samaritan (Luke 10:25-37, shown below). Therefore, "Love your neighbor as yourself" really means "Love all people as yourself," because everyone is our neighbor.

And given this is 'The golden rule' a standard I held my self high upon. I denied my true self from finding happiness. Let me explain.

I first discovered I was transsexual when I was 10 years old when I had a one time sexual experience with a dominate twelve year old friend.

The year was 1960, historically that knowledge had to be stored and denied, period.

I explained it in that tone to again tell you I held myself to that higher standard of 'The golden rule' to the extreme all the time wanting the return of that same standard from others.

The year is 2011, even today the fear to live as the person you truly are is stored and denied by many.

I have seen many great programs that have helped my confidence that the day is coming when gender-dysphoria is accepted fully and we can all live a happy and productive life.

As for the statement 'as it relates to 'all'.', we still have so far to go. But I for one will stand before you and say 'I will live my life by a higher standard, as I always have tried, but now I will live that life as the female I was meant to be back in 1953.

For three years now I have lived openly as a female, am currently taking my hormones daily as prescribed. And raising two girl grand children as a 'poppy' and am enjoying every minute of life.

But when will the rest of the world understand that the only path to true happiness and peace for this world IS 'Unconditional Love'.

Do family and friends really understand you?

My most earliest memories include confusion, compulsion and desires to be who I am.

http://www.transgenderexplored.com/genderdysphoria.htm