Change our children and we change the future

My promise to my kids. I am not your friend. I am your parent. I will stalk you, flip out on you, lecture you, drive you insane, be your worst nightmare & hunt you down like a bloodhound when needed because I LOVE YOU! When you understand that, I will know you are a responsible adult. You will NEVER find someone who loves, cares and worries about you more than I do! Re-post if you are a parent and agree

Unconditional Love

Has this been a problem for anyone else other than me as it relates to 'all'?

Unconditional–adjective
Without conditions or limitations; absolute: demanded unconditional surrender.

Love–noun
A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person
such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a
sense of underlying oneness.


THE LAW OF LOVE
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For the whole law is fulfilled in one word, "You shall love your
neighbor as yourself." (Galatians 5:14 RSV)
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And who is your neighbor? Everyone is your neighbor. This is shown in the Parable Of The Good Samaritan (Luke 10:25-37, shown below). Therefore, "Love your neighbor as yourself" really means "Love all people as yourself," because everyone is our neighbor.

And given this is 'The golden rule' a standard I held my self high upon. I denied my true self from finding happiness. Let me explain.

I first discovered I was transsexual when I was 10 years old when I had a one time sexual experience with a dominate twelve year old friend.

The year was 1960, historically that knowledge had to be stored and denied, period.

I explained it in that tone to again tell you I held myself to that higher standard of 'The golden rule' to the extreme all the time wanting the return of that same standard from others.

The year is 2011, even today the fear to live as the person you truly are is stored and denied by many.

I have seen many great programs that have helped my confidence that the day is coming when gender-dysphoria is accepted fully and we can all live a happy and productive life.

As for the statement 'as it relates to 'all'.', we still have so far to go. But I for one will stand before you and say 'I will live my life by a higher standard, as I always have tried, but now I will live that life as the female I was meant to be back in 1953.

For three years now I have lived openly as a female, am currently taking my hormones daily as prescribed. And raising two girl grand children as a 'poppy' and am enjoying every minute of life.

But when will the rest of the world understand that the only path to true happiness and peace for this world IS 'Unconditional Love'.

8 weeks of Hell

The last 8 weeks have been a complete hell for me, a Transsexual Female for 3 years, as a mommy (grandpa) to two girls and being the husband to a loving wife who had a severe mental collapse. Ambulance had to take her to the emergency room at the local hospital with my 2 girls we have custody when she raised a huge ruckus in church 8 weeks ago now.

So many delusional thoughts and allegations flew from her mouth I had to have the house inspected by the Police and the State Child Placement lady. Thank goodness not one of them had any issues with my Transgender appearance, so they said I should take the girls home while they got my wife some help. The girls clung to me the entire time scared that they would be placed in foster care 'again' in their short years here on earth.

For the last 3 years I have had them in my life I have been open to the entire community. I have cared for the youngest, 3 years old, since she was just a baby. I am who she trusts for everything.

What happens when after 30 days in a State Mental Hospital and when she returns, she remains delusional for the next 4 weeks off and on? Moment by moment you walk along watching, listening for signs what is happening in her mind while I care for 2 girls, 3 and 5 years old.

This was moment for me to be 'a strong woman' who protected her innocents from all harm. During her stay I was threatened twice by her ex-husband that my Transgender status was inappropriate raising his grand children. This man found out how mean a mom can get when her cubs safety are threatened. Short version; he isn't going to do it again.

To date since she has returned; she has asked me to leave 3 times, one 'I don't love you anymore now that you have chosen to become female' each time I refused, plus disappeared with the girls sparking me to alert the local police who set in motion a Statewide search. All ended well when her daughter brought her and the girls home 12 hours later.

Why do I stay? Because I started out loving this woman in 1996, moved in with her in 1998 and now have 2 girls I love more than my life literally. My heart would have been broken. That was in the last 3 weeks. Yesterday she announced I could stay, she loved me and we would talk about the future later.

Here is how I feel right now. Numb.

Gender Dysphoria

When I saw this video of a young Transsexual girl being attacked in a McDonald's Restaurant yesterday I was struck by the fear, sadness and anger she felt.

Society is so messed up and yet this is supposed to be the most Liberal America has ever been.

So much violence, over what? Someone living their dream their reality. Exercising her right in this Free Country to claim her Constitutional guarantee of 'Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness'.

I was born in 1953 and discovered I was Transsexual when I turned 8. That was 1961 and had anyone known my hidden desires I would have been labeled a 'queer' and subject to a harsh life as this young girl is today.

It doesn't seem we've come far enough, does it?

I am usually a very positive, purposed and aggressive person, in my both my past life as my born gender and now in my chosen gender. These things will always be me.

It is now December 18, 2010, one week before a joyous and happy holidays season. This is my 2nd year into my transition journey of many years to come. I am a 57 y/o transsexual female and proud of it and my strong beliefs have come over years of life's experiences. So I can be diplomatic as well as plain out blunt.

The reason I write my thoughts are so that all of you can understand the years of turmoil and stress my life has been. The struggles, successes and failures that come with life as a transsexual, always remaining strong in the hope and determination that we all must possess to find ourselves.

But today my life has brought me to a low point emotionally.

Making a decision that effects those around us is hard enough, but when you have to stand and watch your biological family reject you. The memories of seeing, holding or talking to my grand children is gone.

My thoughts tonight are saddened by that reality.

Love you all.
Renae

The greatest 2 days and on; this journey will become my future.

On November 8, 2008 I made a most important decision for my personal happiness. This decision was the hardest thing I had done in the previous 50 years. Since that time I always suspected I was different from the other boys. I was fascinated by my sisters clothes, I wanted to be able to wear those pretty things. Over the following years, with the exception of those days dominated by religion, I had something feminine to wear when I could.

Now I have spent the last 2 days in total unbelief , excitement, fright and elation in 48 hrs. On Tuesday, November 16, 2010, I went to KU Medical University and did the obligatory family medical history, personal history and blood work followed by a talk with the doctor. Two hours after arriving I walked out with my HRT prescriptions.

The emotions ran from, fright that I might not be approved, unbelief it was about to be one of the last steps in my journey to womanhood, excitement when the Doctor and personnel were so careful to document what I preferred being called to genuine admiration from them that I was taking this important step in my life and finally elation when I was handed the prescriptions themselves in my hands.

Two years and one week and I now start the physical transformation to womanhood!

This has been the happiest two days and my Hormones will be available to me tomorrow, November 18, 2010 after 1pm.


Thank You Thank You Thank You

Personal plea to America

I love my Country first, my Transgender status second, why?

This is the greatest Country on Earth bar none and I will not standby and watch it ruined by any politician, political party or the MYTH of Social Justice.

I have lived for 55 yrs as a male, troubled by the knowledge that something was wrong with me. When I made my decision to become the woman I always I knew I should have been, I didn't abandon my love for Freedom and Justice that our forefathers gave us. I didn't expect someone to hand my new me on a silver platter, rather I knew it would be an upward battle as my whole career and personal life had been.

Please read my next blog and understand what I stand for: Freedom to choose who I want to be without fear of repercussion from those that see me as immoral or a freak. I have grown past those individuals, I do not condemn them for their beliefs and I expect the same respect in kind.

This is and I hope will always be a Free Nation where we can live together in Harmony and Peace. We have made huge strides to that end, but now is not the time to 'Fundamentally Change America', rather it is a time for us to unite and take back a Government gone crazy with corruption and influenced by special interest groups.

Peace, Love and Respect to each of you!

My Political views

Many of you have seen my blogs and remarks in regards to my political views. I have and will challenge the current administration and the Democratic Party even if some believe I am a true Republican because of my opposition. That just simply is not true.

Firstly and most importantly I am an American, born and raised in the 1950's. Raised up to believe in hard work and accomplishment being the 'only' thing that truly mattered to achieve success in America. I see that as an asset that took me so far in my Data processing career as a man. I taught those same values to both of my children and I am very proud of both of them today despite their inability to 'wrap their minds around' their father becoming a woman after all these years. My son is an Army Warrant Officer in command of and intelligence battalion currently stationed in Afghanistan. My daughter is currently studying for her Masters in Sociology at Missouri University. So you can see the values I instilled in them has made them understand that the ONLY path to success is hard work and dedication.

I am opposed to the current Washington Democratic Party because they are guilty of hijacking America and their own constituents through lies and deception, corrupt practices and illegalities Speaker Nancy Pelosi pledged to change. Most everything they have attempted has been rammed down our throats whether we like it or not causing a rising up in America with an outcry for a return to the Constitution and it's core values. These are the same beliefs that I was taught and believe in today.

Social Justice is a myth and many have bought into the lie that Politics and Laws will change this for the good for all those who feel oppressed. Dr. Martin Luther King did not believe this either, he believed in the process of making your voice heard and thereby changing the future for minorities. I could give you countless examples of successful minorities in our Country that simply saw America as a Country of opportunity for those who wanted to work and dedicate their lives to The Dream. And yet in the days I grew up minorities even scoffed and berated these individuals of turning their backs on their minority groups. Those that criticized them, I believe, were just not willing to work as hard as they did.

I believe in The Bill of Rights and it's core of 'Equality for all'. I am not a Republican or Democrat, I am an informed individual who looks at both sides of the issues at hand and derives the truth and I will not bend to either side who does not stand the test of truth.

But I have to tell you this Country is outraged at the 'abuse of power' from Washington Elites on both sides of the Party lines.

We the people demand that our Government give back what they have and are taking from us, our Freedom. I will vote my conscious whether the Candidate be Democrat or Republican I support. As a Transgender, people might say I should vote Democrat and shun the Republican views on gays, lesbians, Transgender or Bi-sexual issues. I would if that were the ONLY thing at stake this November, but it isn't. Our Country and the future of my children and their children is at stake because of 'the Fundamental Change' Obama has decreed since his Campaign began. I opposed him then and I oppose him now. I will not sell out the future because some might feel 'kinder' towards me as a Transgender.

This Country has fallen asleep when it comes to life values, not religion or tradition, but what our Forefathers left for us to protect and defend.

If you don't vote with the truth in your heart and only your selfish needs, I fear you will be disappointed with the results. Educate yourselves about the issues without bias one way or another and vote your heart, that's all we can ask of each other. But please do not just pull the ballot handle down without knowledge as I presume a majority of you will, you might find yourself on the losing end. The demise of the greatest Nation on earth today.

Study the Constitution, Bill of Rights and what our forefathers wrote in the documents leading up to the Declaration of Independence. You might be surprised that we are not headed in the right direction to sustain our Republic.

For those of you who say, my vote is worthless or it won't matter, you have lost already. Others will decide your future for you and you will only be able to exist in your own self pity and anger. To effect change you must ACT!

~Trust~

We, as girls inside, have suffered at the hands of society. We are misunderstood and many of us are discriminated against by relatives and the society we dearly believe should accept us for who we are.

I am asking all of you to post your experiences so we may be able to find strength among ourselves. My life is an open book to all who care to see what I have endured born in the 1950s.

Each of us may have been in different times and social times. Express yourselves and let's leave the past behind and move forward as the strong women we are and have been to move through life.

Hugs and Kisses to all who hear my voice.
Renae Michele Leah

My Absence

I have been on a self-imposed period of mourning and healing since my older sister's death on May 24, 2010. It and a few other things that occurred around that event caused me great sorrow, hurt and even disgust.

If I have learned anything in life however it is that only you can change your own circumstances.

My mother died in the hospital in 2003 as I held her and gave her permission to pass from this life out of her suffering. That image profoundly affected me and made me hesitant to be present as one might imagine. Movies do not depict death as it truly is when you see the light dwindle in that persons eyes if you have not experienced it first hand.

My biological family, additionally, did not want me to appear at that moment as the woman I am becoming. That was also so very hurtful.

Thankfully I have a new family that accepts me totally and my healing has ended.

I will renew my blogs shortly.

Hugs and much love to the world and the friends I have in my life.